Tired

I’m tired today. Not because I did anything worth speaking of. Not because of a lack sleep or lack of rest. I’m tired because of cancer.

I’d like to be positive today. To be cheerful and upbeat. I know it must be trying for Lynne and for everybody who comes in contact with me to deal with a crank. A grouch. A tired, old man.
But that’s the way I feel. Cranky. Grouchy. Tired.

I have been able to write for a couple of hours so that’s not bad. But it hurts to walk from my room to the kitchen. I don’t have enough energy to bathe. It is difficult to sit upright. I’ve spent most of the day in bed and once again my bed is calling me, seducing me to lie down and rest.

I don’t want to spend all my time in bed. It’s no way to live. I take meds to give me energy and they don’t. I wonder, what would I do, what could I do if I were truly poor and had to do physical work of some sort to care for my wife and me?

Oh, well. At least that’s a blessing. It just doesn’t seem like much right now because I’m so damned tired.